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PRETENSE IN RELATIONSHIPS: WITH QUOTES AND SAYINGS FOR PRETENDERS

February 7, 2021

LOVE is a beautiful feeling, and Relationships should be about love… however, in todays world, pretense in relationship is the new norm. Some people pretend in relationships; they date or enter relationships for many wrong reasons. It might be for financial benefits, sexual benefits, some need, to satisfy the society or just settle. Some people are also looking for that false sense of security that they feel can be easily gotten from an individual, and they mistake that for love. There are so many other reasons than love that can lead to the emergence of pretense in relationships.

Unfortunately, in the end, no matter how long it takes, this doesn’t end well; why? You may ask. It is simply because the foundation wasn’t built on solid ground but on pretense, lies, and deceit to get that selfish end goal. Often, in the long run, children are involved and are used as an excuse not to leave a glaringly bad relationship or marriage, forgetting that the children see the arguments, lack of intimacy and grow up thinking this is normal, thus breeding emotionally dysfunctional kids in the future.

Relationship pretense really fools no one but yourself. Not your kids, close friends, or family. And, as a strategy for coping and staying together, it is doomed to fail almost every time…

How Pretense Work

Pretense is like a slow-spreading disease. Once it takes hold within a relationship, it is sure to spread, corrupting every part of the connection it touches. If left untended from the start, it is bound to create havoc at the end. It also works with the ego, helping your ego ignore warning signs.

When “LOVE” isn’t the motive for marriage, dating, or relationship, then no matter how long you fake it, you simply cannot make it.

A relationship can end in several ways through pretense.

It can die a quick death, and you both go your separate ways
It can end slowly; you are together but know this relationship is going nowhere. You are probably staying comfortably together for several reasons
It can end in a painful way involving numerous fights, a battle of egos, and drama

All the reasons above aren’t worth it. Peace of mind should be the number one goal in a relationship filled with love. If a couple isn’t walking together towards the same path, then it is wiser to part ways early.

Force in Relationship

If someone is forcing you to do something, making decisions for you or themselves without your consent, or they are hurting you emotionally or physically– that’s not love, that’s a mechanism of POWER and CONTROL. Nobody has the right to force their will on us as God has given us free will.

Intimacy in Relationships

The very foundation of any successful long-term relationship is intimacy, which gives each other permission to see each other for who you really are –faults and all. Pretense precludes this from happening. And people pretend out of fear to disclose your true self. Think of it a minute: what part of you is afraid? Your heart or your ego?

The answer will help you to be fully honest and open in real communication with your partner and everyone around you.

Nobody says the truth wouldn’t hurt, neither was it going to be easy to bare your heart and soul, but it is better to be in a real, stable relationship with someone who loves you for you with your imperfect ways than to pretend to be perfect. If you want your relationship to be better, grow, and blossom in different ways, pretense in relationships should be a total NO, and there should be no room for deception whatsoever. Once you decide on this path, you will experience a more beautiful relationship with your partner or lover. Life, in general, is sure to be more fulfilling

Pretense Quotes

“You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it.”

-Alan Moore

“When you aren’t sincere you need to pretend, and by pretending you end up believing yourself; that’s the basic principle of every faith.”

-Alberto Moravia

“The pious pretense that evil does not exist only makes it vague, enormous and menacing.”

-Aleister Crowley

“To copy beauty forfeits all pretense to fame; to copy faults is want of sense.”

-Charles Churchill

“Pretense cannot sustain blind power.”

-Dejan Stojanovic

“You must not under any pretense allow your mind to dwell on any thought that is not positive, constructive, optimistic, kind.”

-Emmet Fox

“Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there.”

-Eric Hoffer

“The name and pretense of virtue is as serviceable to self-interest as are real vices.”

-Francois de la Rochefoucauld

“The world is full of people who are very clever at seeming much smarter than they really are. “

-Kurt Vonnegut

“I look for a girl without pretense who is sweet and intelligent – preferably brunette, but that’s not completely important. “

-Lucas Till

“You can’t cure someone who’s pretending to be sick.”

-Marty Rubin

“Genuine happiness is not nearly as common as a fake smile. “

-Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“In some cases, it is not the person that has changed, but their decision not to be themselves.”

-Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“We understand how dangerous a mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be.”

-Patrick Rothfuss

“There is no worse sickness for the soul, o you who are proud, than this pretense of perfection.”

-Rumi

“No one can long hide behind a mask; the pretense soon lapses into the true character.”

-Seneca The Younger

“People pretend to be other people because they have never thought of their true selves.”

-Sunday Adelaja

“I don’t impress if you’re a religious person. I just wanna know about soul behind that mask.”

-Toba Beta

“There’s a difference between playing and playing games. The former is an act of joy, the latter — an act.”

-Vera Nazarian

“When all lies, deceit, pretense is stripped away, what remains? The truth of a painting, or a book or a man.”

-William S. Burroughs

Pretense Sayings

“That’s what real love amounts to- letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending- performing. You get to love your pretence. It’s true, we’re locked in an image, an act “

– Adyashanti

“The higher the rank the less pretence, because there is less to pretend to.”

– John Wilmot

“The essence of vulgarity seemed to lie in the pretence at being or the attempt to be, something that one really was not, with the resulting lack of ease and dignity and taste. “

– Orson Scott Card

“Enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the facade of pretence. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.”

- Robert Frost

“I love the idea of spies in love. How would it work between two people who were so programmed to lie and be suspicious, who have a whole life based on pretense? ”

– Zebulon Pike

“How far does a pretense of feeling, maintained with absolute conviction, become authentic?”

– Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Also, read

“Don’t pretend to be what you’re not, instead, pretend to what you want to be, it is not pretense, it is a journey to self-realization.”

– Charles Haddon Spurgeon

HOW TO GET OVER A TRAUMATIC BREAKUP

January 16, 2021

Break up sometimes can be traumatic, affecting your psychological and holistic well-being, which is why you need to know how to get over a traumatic breakup. At a point, you feel the need to get over the break-up, but you don’t know how to.

If you want to get over a traumatic break-up, you need to know that getting over a break up doesn’t happen in a day. As wounds take time to heal, so do breakups.

This article will help you get over a traumatic breakup and understand how silence helps after a breakup, what to do after a breakup, how to deal with a traumatic breakup, how to move on after a breakup, and how to get over a breakup quickly.

How silence helps after a breakup: Silence allows you to recover fast from a fresh break up; it helps you comprehend all that just happened, calms you, and gives room for making plans about the next step.

How to deal with a traumatic break-up

These tips can help you get over a traumatic break-up

Determination

You have to determine within yourself that you want to heal. If you don’t, there is every tendency you are just going to try so hard and end up frustrated without leaving your starting point.

Think!

Have you decided you want to move on? If yes, you have to think through the beautiful and ugly moments too. Be careful when doing this, so you don’t get lost in thought. However, you should make the “good and bad lists” while having this thought. This list will help you remember the reasons you want to go back into the relationship and why you should let go.

Don’t bottle them up

Let out your emotions. It is not a good decision to keep the way you feel to yourself alone if you want to heal. You have been told that time heals, no! It doesn’t if you do nothing with the time. If you feel like crying, feel free to cry (you can do it when no one is around). If you want to rage or scream, do. Pour out your emotions, talk to someone; it will make you feel better.

What to do after a breakup

Talk about it

You probably have people who don’t want to listen to your break up story or people who just tell you “don’t worry, you’ll get over it soon” as soon as you mention it. They make you feel like you can’t talk about it because no one wants to listen. Don’t be discouraged; talk about it; it’s therapeutic. You can invite a friend you know is a good listener and tell them to keep asking questions about your relationship or talk to a counselor or a therapist. If no one would listen, a counselor will, because that is their job.

Smile more

Do more of what makes you happy. You have been sad for a while that you don’t even know how to smile anymore. Get used to smiling again, watch funny movies and TV shows, spend time with those folks that crack your ribs, take selfies(if they make you happy) pamper yourself. With time, you feel happy without inducing it.

Reconnect with your old friends, and family

When you are in love, you feel you need nothing and no one else. This feeling makes you side-line your friends and family. You then lose connection with them. Imagine how arriving at home after a long, tiring walk feels- that is how you feel when you reconnect with your old friends. Spend more time on the phone with them, visit them, and have long talks(there will be moments of wine and wet tissues too). If they are far away or you don’t have the time or resources to meet with them, you can face call or chat with them on social media.

HOW TO MOVE ON AFTER A BREAKUP

Own the keys to your life

You have given the keys to your life to someone; now they have driven you crazy. You need to take it back, own it! Take charge of your life. You built your life around them, and even your happiness was dependent on their mood. It is time you realized that anyone can leave anytime, and you will always be left with you when it comes to your life. So, take the keys now and enjoy the drive.

Stop beating yourself up

You both have your flaws and faults, and they are the reason you broke up. Stop putting the blame all on yourself. Stop beating yourself up. When the thoughts creep in, tell yourself that you have tried. Try to think about your positive contributions to the relationship and look away from your faults. If you don’t stop blaming yourself, you won’t leave that state easily.

Say goodbye to stalking

You check your phone every time to see if he has called; you check him on every social media to see his recent posts. Not only will this make you restless, but you can also get more heartbroken, especially when you find out they have moved on already. Moreover, you won’t have the time to focus on important things. Do yourself a favor of not stalking your ex. If it looks impossible, try to unfollow or block yourself from seeing his updates.

Rise over it

Break up comes with a form of energy that makes you want to do things without looking back or going back. Channel that energy to building yourself. Put more into your career. Engage in things that make you develop. Be Focused with no distraction. Before you know it, you are at the top. Rise over it! That’s how you get over it!

Above are what you should do to get over a traumatic breakup.

How to get over a breakup quickly

If you want to get over a breakup quickly, below are what you should not do

Do not…

Use alcohol

Do not use alcohol to get over your ex; you will probably become a drunk. Falling in love has been said to bag an addictive feeling like that of cocaine. So when you break up, it is like cocaine withdrawal. You are trying to get out of addiction, so if you use alcohol, you are likely to take more than your body can accommodate and probably get addicted to it as time goes on. While trying to get away from an addiction, you will only fall into another. Moreover, too much alcohol can jeopardize one’s health.

Use Brand New relationship

Getting into a relationship to heal is not the best. Try to give yourself time, understand what caused your last break up, and give room for self-evaluation. Do not rush into a new relationship when your heart is still with someone else- your heart is not ready. If you run into another relationship, you are putting such a relationship at risk. This can send the relationship to its early grave.

Hook up with another ex

Hooking up with one of your exes to feel better or make him jealous is not healthy. You should know that your ex broke up with you, and he is gone; he doesn’t care anymore. Do not go back to another ex; remember, they became an ex for a reason.

Post your break-up on social media

Do not give your ex the room to say,” didn’t I tell you?” Do not post your break up, it is not healthy. You will have to spend all of your time waiting for their reaction, and when you get nothing, it makes you bitter and angry. You are back to wallowing again.

Believe love can’t find you

Love is out there looking for you, don’t ever give up on love. Remind yourself every time that you are loveable and stop turning down social invitations.

Use party

Don’t go all night partying to forget your ex, as you see in movies. Your life is real and not a movie. After partying hard, you come back to meet the pain you left at home to party. They will still be there. Why not use that time to heal on your own. Determine you want to deal with your pains patiently, without having to come back to them after a while.

Make yourself idle

Idleness will only give room for you to think about what you are trying to forget. Engage yourself in activities that can benefit you; it will help you get over the traumatic break up quickly.

Break up can be challenging to overcome, but sometimes it can be the best decision you ever made. Although getting over it can be easier said than done, still live your life well, make yourself a better person, learn to live without pain and hurt. Be happy and free. No one deserves to be happy than you.

Below are quotes to help you heal from a traumatic breakup

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.”

— Elizabeth Gilbert

“Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart do not know how to laugh either.”

– Golda Meir

“Hearts live by being wounded.”

– Oscar Wilde

Also, Read

“What’s broken is broken—and I’d rather remember it as it was than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.”

_ Margaret Mitchell