Before you get married, there are certain questions to ask before marriage to be convinced about your decision. Marriage is a beautiful union, but unfortunately, not all marriages work. Your decision in choosing the man you intend to marry is one of the greatest decisions you would ever make in life. So you do not want to rush things because marriage in itself is a lifelong contract.
Every woman wants her marriage to work. Nobody sets out for a failed marriage; I mean, what good is it to be called a divorceé? But the poor choices we make before marriage affects us in marriage. The signs that he is not the one for you is always right there staring at you in the face, never allow your emotions to make the decision, be the one to make that decision.
Learning from those that are more experienced than you help you in making the right decisions. There are questions you need to ask yourself before you take that decision to marry him. Asking these important questions and giving sincere and honest replies to yourself would help you immensely before signing up for this journey.
So what are the questions ask yourself before you decide to marry him? these are the questions to ask before marriage.
Important questions to ask before marriage
Is he the right person?
The question of if he is the right person encompasses every other. This type of question does not call for assumption; you need to be very convinced about it. If he is the right person for you, he would always be proud to show you off; he is genuinely excited about your successes and respects boundaries. He supports you in every possible way he can and always listens to you. Do not be blind; love itself is not. Pay attention to these signs and save yourself from regret later.
Are we both compatible?
The honest truth is that compatibility is more important than love because when you are two entirely different people with no common ground, the relationship will not work. Compatibility in marriage is everything. Do not be deceived; if there is a wide gap before marriage, it will not come close in marriage. You and your partner are compatible if you share similar core values, your interests overlap, and you are committed to growing together. Also, are his blood group and genotype compatible with yours? Find out too.
Is he someone I can trust?
If there is no trust in your relationship every day becomes a nightmare. Suspicions would be flying here and there, and you sure do not want that. A relationship without trust cannot blossom; such relationships would be messy and dysfunctional. Knowing if he is trustworthy keeps you at peace. Is he open and transparent in conversations? Can you trust his words as well as his actions?
Are his actions consistent?
When you see a man acting differently as each day goes by, that is a red flag right there. I am not saying you should not give him the benefit of doubts, but if you notice insincerity in his actions, do not wave it off and do not immediately confront him. You would ruin everything. Be very observant and see if he is consistently insincere. If he is, then he is not the one for you.
What common grounds do we share?
Although two different personalities form the union of marriage, there should still be a common ground between both of you.
It could be sharing the same values, sharing similar goals in life, having similar interests or experiences, having a similar passion or zeal. Whichever one it is, check out for it.
What are his views about Finances?
What view does he hold about finances? Is he the giving type or the saving type, or the type that loves to invest? Find out first because you have agreed to share a financial future together when you both are married.
Intimate questions to ask before marriage
Am I physically attracted to him?
Although beauty may fade, physical attractiveness also matters. You need to ask yourself if indeed you are physically attracted to him. When you look at his facial features or body proportions, are you satisfied with what you see? Be very sincere with yourself.
Is this love or lust?
There is a lot of difference between love and lust, and sadly many people do not know the difference. Where love is more about emotional connection, lust is only about the physical connection. Love is slow and steady, but lust is short and sudden. As the former increases with time, the latter decreases with time. Love takes time, while lust is always impulsive. Get to know what it is for you both and make your decision from there.
Am I happy with the relationship?
Does your partner make you happy or not? You need to ask yourself. Is he the type that appreciates you or the kind that abuses you? Never compromise your happiness for anything. You deserve happiness. If he is not making you happy, leave the relationship and do not look back. Do not think you can change him because you can not. If you tolerate that slap today, he would eventually kill you tomorrow.
Are the feelings mutual?
You need to understand that marriage is teamwork; nobody should be doing the most of it. Are the feelings you share reciprocated by the other partner? This is one question you need to ask yourself. Love, respect, trust, commitment, and everything that makes up for a successful marriage must be mutual.
What are his views about marriage?
Understanding your partner’s views about marriage is quite important. You should ask yourself if you are on the same page with him. What ideologies does he hold about marriage? What does he not know? Just ensure you find out and ask yourself if you really want to do life with him.
Why am I in the relationship?
The question of ‘why’ is also very important. Ask yourself, why are you in the relationship? Is it a cure for your loneliness? Is it for only the benefits of it alone? Do I really love this person, as I claim? Why?!
Good questions to ask before marriage
Does he have my back?
Every party in a relationship needs their partner to be a good support system. Can you bank on him for that? Is he someone who can go all out to ensure that you are comfortable and doing well? If that is the case, you may want to consider him as well.
Do I feel caged?
Marriage is never a field of slavery, and you should never feel caged. If you cannot express yourself freely to your intending spouse, you should take an exit.
Am I holding back?
Maybe the reason you are holding back could be because you are too afraid of being rejected or that you lack trust. If you realize that you are holding back in your relationship, there are two things you can do – you either end the relationship and work on yourself, or you are really sincere with your partner, and you work on issues together.
What are his interests?
Understanding your partner’s interests helps you a lot in marriage. Is he the sports guy or the movie guy or the indoor type, or the extrovert? Whichever one he is, ask yourself if you are okay with it.
Do we enjoy having fun together?
When you are together, do you guys have fun together? Maybe seeing a movie together, going for picnics together, going to the beach together? Ask yourself these questions, if it is something you love to do and he is not all for that, talk to him about it first.
Do we enjoy having fun apart?
You will not always be with your partner, in fact! But do you enjoy having fun apart? Ask yourself this question too and come to terms with your partner if need be.
Do we accept each other?
A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together but rather about two imperfect beings learning to enjoy their differences. – David Meurer
A successful marriage would mean that both parties embrace each other’s imperfections and celebrate each other’s strength.
Does he have low self-esteem?
Having low self-esteem can be a great hindrance to a successful home. If your partner has low self-esteem, it would ultimately affect your marriage because it would mean that he would not have the right perception of love, which is the foundation of every successful home.
Where is the relationship going?
You need to ask yourself these questions: Where are we headed? Are we looking in the same direction? What benefits is this to me? Am I losing out on this? Do not downplay any; get a genuine response from yourself.
Are we growing together?
Growth from both ends is key! You may not grow at the same pace but make sure you are growing together. Check what both of you have been able to achieve together. Is our growth static or progressive? Ask yourself.
What is my gut telling me?
Sometimes we downplay our instincts and allow our emotions to take the best of us. Pay attention to your inner self; is it fighting back, or is it peace with the relationship?
Am I still me?
One sign of a good and healthy relationship is to make you and your partner a better person and not to change who you are entire. If you are not better but worse than you used to be, then it is a red flag that you are not meant to be in that relationship.
How well does he treat those around him?
The way your partner treats those around him speaks volumes of how well he will treat you too. If he is the type who talks rudely to his driver or waiter, that relationship should be a no-no for you.
I have shared with you 25 questions to ask before marriage, and you MUST yourself before you decide to marry him. I’d also share with you 25 other questions you should ask HIM before you marry, but these aren’t questions that should be the determinant factors for marriage.
Questions to ask him before marriage
- How important are birthday celebrations to him?
- If he could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
- Does he prefer urban, suburban, or rural settings?
- Is he a do-it-yourself person, or does he rather employ professionals?
- Does he have insecurities, and has he taken any step to deal with them?
- Is he a quiet person or a loud person? Does he love to sleep with the Tv or radio on?
- How does he handle conflicts?
- Does he snore? Does he sleep with lights on?
- If he had unlimited resources, how would you live?
- How important is it for him to make a lot of money?
- What is his annual income? Is it sufficient to take care of the family?
- Does he have children from previous relationships?
- Does he believe in prenuptial agreements?
- Does he believe in organizing a family budget?
- Are there genetic diseases in his family or a history of cancer, heart disease, or chronic illness?
- Does he want children? When? How many?
- Does he love pets?
- How much influence do his parents still have over his choices?
- Does he have any unsettled or ongoing family issues?
- Are his close associates as important to him as his life partner? Or more important?
- Does he have difficulty setting boundaries with friends?
- Does he enjoy travelling, or is he an introvert?
- What is his greatest limitation and strength?
- How does he intend to make the marriage work? His belief systems and ideologies about marriage?
- What energizes him